i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
