Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
