Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
