That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
