I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
