look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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