worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
pop tarts are not kleenex
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
