tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
