just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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