still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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