The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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