It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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