Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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