i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
