never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
