i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
