...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize