it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
