i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
