they need to just BURY HIM!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
