You can't motorboat a personality
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
