Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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