i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
