I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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