I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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