Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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