based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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