He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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