i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
