we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
