last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
