Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
