Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
