Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
