So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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