dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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