is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
