Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
