I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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