you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
