your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
