I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
