he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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