why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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