just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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