Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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