my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize