is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
