I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
