they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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