guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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