When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
