You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
