i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
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Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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