Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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