Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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