dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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