HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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