Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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