Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am available for nakedness
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
