how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
