I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
