she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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