Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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