Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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