Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
