Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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