So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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