ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
