Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This is the prime rib incident all over again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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