You work out of a Hotel?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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