how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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