if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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