I wish I only lived at night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
